Things I have learned...

1. Ignorance is not Bliss.
2. Kids are kids no matter their culture or upbringing.
3. Addiction sucks.
4. Patience is a virtue.
5. Culture and Tradition are two VERY different things.
6. The sun is a glorious thing.
7. Gumbo= 4x4 and boots.

8. Starting any journey bright eyed and smiling is important, but nothing can prepare you for what you have not yet experienced.
9. Don't be embarrassed about where you come from.
10. If you think your house is "too small" you're wrong.
11. There are many things that are talked about, but nothing is ever done about.












12. Happiness truly is a warm puppy... with or without mange, fleas or gumbo matted in their hair.
13. Giving children responsibilities is important not only for growing themselves, but for creating trust and respect between you and them.














14. Rattlesnakes are scary, but after killing one, you feel invincible!
15. Fry bread is AMAZING! in small quantities.
16. Running can be fun!

17. When you hear a weird noise while driving near your tire, slow down and check it.

18. Taking the opportunity to learn about another culture by fully immersing yourself in it is one of  the most amazing ways to not only learn about said culture and people, but also about yourself.



19. The amount of time a child needs to grow and change certain behaviors isn't long. It's based on how quickly they can start to trust you.

20. Hearing slow camp songs as small waves hit the shore can fix many problems.













21. Cats eat Mice. No mice= no rattlesnakes.
22. Even when you think you have nothing, you always have the choice to smile. You always have           something.
23. The sunsets are beautiful, but the sunrises should not be forgotten.




















24. Standing on the deck at camp while looking out on to the river at sunrise with coffee and two quiet dogs while you know 50 campers are still snug in their beds and thinking how amazing it is that everything you are about to do and provide for your campers was donated by caring individuals and other YMCAs and feeling as though you are exactly where you're suppose to be and working for a great organization is one of the best feelings even if you haven't showered in five days or gotten a full night's sleep in a month and a half.

Toksa Ake

After a year on the Cheyenne River Reservation, it is time to move on to the next adventure. That next adventure is using my other degree in Early Childhood Development and working for the Denver YMCA as a lead preschool teacher. Bring it on. Leaving this wonderful place was not something I just decided one day. It has been on my mind since the last time I posted on my blog. Someone I was talking to expressed what I am going through perfectly and I have been using it myself since then. My heart is heavy. It is cracked from all of the stress of caring so deeply for these kids that I need to take some time away to heal it. To put it back together.

I have wondered how to go about writing about my heavy heart without it making this place sound bad. I'm not quite sure how to do that, but all I can do is speak the truth as it is seen though my lens. I love the Sioux YMCA. I love this reservation. I love that no matter where I go out here, someone knows me or knows that I work for the Y. I love that when I go into the store, I see at least five people who know me and what was a simple outing for bread, has now turned into a half an hour long conversation. I love the sunsets and the sunrises; even the huge scary clouds that brought rain which turned the camp road (and everything else at camp) to gumbo. Hell, I will even say I love the gumbo... Sometimes. Well, only when looking back on the craziness that we endured because of it. I love that there are people here in this community that care as much as I do about the youth we serve. I love knowing that when I leave, my kids aren't going to be left with no one to listen to their stories- the good, the bad and sometimes the ugly.

With all of that being said, the ugly things are what makes my heart hurt. Yes, I'm a camp director. Yes, I spend six weeks out of the summer sunbathing by the river, listening to children laugh, seeing them smile, and seeing these children be kids. I get to spend six weeks giving these kids what most kids have their whole lives. They aren't worried about where their next meal will be coming from, they don't have to take care of their four younger siblings, they don't have to sleep on the floor without a pillow or blanket. They play. They swim. They get to live and be a kid in a safe, healthy environment where they know THEY will be taken care of. Six weeks.

I just went to a Camping Conference where one of the Camp Directors told a story about a Sam's Club employee asking what he did when he didn't have summer camp... It made me think. Six weeks out of 52. I don't just close up camp and go home. I don't go to work at the Y in my office and never converse with my kids from camp. I don't look at them when they tell me that another one of the kids is cutting herself again and say "Oh, sorry, I'm the camp director. Go talk to someone else". I spend the other 46 weeks listening to my kids from camp and some who have never gone to camp.

I listen to stories of my kids who are staying at a cousin's house (maybe a three bedroom trailer which already houses 10-12 people on a full night) because their mom is drinking again and doesn't have food in their house. I listen to kids tell me that they couldn't sleep because they were up counting the mice that ran across the floor. I listen to girls tell me about their "friends" cyber bullying them telling them no one likes them and that they should cut their wrists and die. I see my kids hurt when their friends are taken away by the state and split up never to be heard of again. I never get to see my kids who are taken by the state ever again. Kids that I have spent more time with than their own parents. I see kids who have parents who don't parent. I see and spend more time being a parental figure to these kids than their parents do. I see what addiction does to those who are not even the addict. I don't see some of my kids because they are given up by their parents because meth is more important than their Wakan children. Their sacred children. I hear that parents want to fight other adults because their child said that another child picked on them. I start to wonder what I would do if a parent came to me and wanted to fight me. I don't know if I could hold back my thoughts. Sometimes when I think of things I would love to say to some of my kid's parents, it's really hard to remember that they have experienced generations of hurt. That there is sooooo much history to take into consideration. Addiction is a real thing that so many people have to deal with and are touched by out here, even those who never thought they would be effected by it, aka me. As you can read, these are real life issues that my kids and the people who live out here are faced with every day. For some, this is just every day life. I'm not saying that there is a right and wrong way of living and one thing I have learned is that just because some things are done differently doesn't mean they are wrong, but there are things that I personally in my heart, cannot handle as being an OK thing. Through my lens, morally, there are things that I cannot turn my back to.

I have been told by social workers that "you need to set boundaries" or "you need to point the kids in the direction of programs and services that can help them" or "you're not qualified to help them with issues such as those". You know what? They are correct, but when the services that are offered to them are a half hour away or that they may not be able to ask for help because they will get in trouble it's hard not to try to help them. How do you listen to these little human beings that have grown up dealing with things I wouldn't wish upon my biggest enemy and tell them "Sorry, I won't help you because I'm not qualified"? I know I can't fix all their problems. I know that I can listen and if that means my heart fills up and I have to carry some of their pain and mine overflows with all these things that scare them just so their hearts can be a little lighter, I'm going to do it. I did do it. Without knowing how to let loose the hurt I hear that fills my heart and cracks it, I cannot continue to help my kids. It's tough to help others when you are broken yourself.

A teacher out at the Takini School told Amanda and I that "You can't sacrifice yourself for the children" but ultimately that is what every YMCA worker does out here at the Y. It's not a matter of NOT sacrificing yourself, but for how long you can continue to sacrifice...

If you are still reading this, I hope you understand that I am not putting anyone or these communities down. If anything, I hope that if you are reading this and if you don't live out here or even if you do, that you understand that I think those who continue to strive and be strong for the children on this reservation are heroes. I have grown to love this place and the people. There is something so amazing about a community that will help one another out in times of need. From helping fix each other's vehicle or sharing pampers because the grocery store is closed. I have never felt the sense of community more than I do out here in the Cheyenne River Reservation. My friend asked me if I could now understand how kids who grew up here feel when they go off to college and it took me a couple minutes to think about. That's exactly how I feel, but on a much smaller scale obviously. Those kids are the strong ones. The ones leading the path for their brothers and sisters. Their nieces and nephews. They are showing them that it's ok to go off and better themselves and to come home and still be a part of their family and community. To better their communities. I know a couple of amazingly strong girls out here who are doing that right now and I am so happy I was able to get to know them and add them to my friends list.

I feel like so many people talk about the bad and ugly things that happen on reservations and then always end with "hope". As cliche as that might be, that is exactly what I'm going to do...

Even in the short year that I have spent out here, so many things have changed within the Sioux YMCA. When I first started, I was the only program director. I was running the after school program and trying to prepare for not only my first summer as a camp director but going into it almost completely blind while still trying to keep how camp was the year prior. Now, we have two program director positions and a full time volunteer. Programming and numbers of kids participating not only at the Y for day camp, after school and night activities has gone up, but also at summer camp. The Sioux YMCA culture is strong and thriving and you can tell each time you see a child enter the building after school. They always have smiles on their faces and are excited to be here. If they don't have smiles, they are coming to you to have you help them, which is exactly what we could only HOPE for here at the Y.
Our mission is to develop and strengthen the children and families in our reservation communities so they can fulfill their greatest individual and collective potential, spiritually, mentally and physically. The Sioux YMCA is ran solely off of private donations and grants. Everything we do comes from monies raised by us or for us. There are many YMCAs and separate people who believe in what we do and HOPE that by providing us the money needed, that we, who work for the YMCA here will be able to live up to our mission. Compared to where we were a year ago, I personally HOPE that the Sioux YMCA will continue doing all that they can to develop and strengthen these children so they can be all that they can and should be. I have been so fortunate and blessed for this opportunity to fall on my lap for this past year I cannot put into words how much I owe those who have taken me in to their families and have welcomed me into their culture and traditions with unconditional love.

I know that although I have only been a part of these children's lives for a year, I have helped plant the seed in them that is needed to know they are more than just an ugly stupid statistic and that their lives are worth more. I HOPE to see all of my kids grow up to fulfill their greatest individual and collective potential, spiritually, mentally and physically by staying connected to the Y.

The last thing I am going to leave you with is something that I will take with me from the Lakota culture and tradition. I won't say Good Bye because Good Bye means forever. This is just a mere Toksa Ake which means "see ya later".

Mašté- the sun is shining

What good looking siblings I have.

Scout got to experience life off the Rez for the first time!

It’s weird to think that it’s been almost three months since camp ended. Amanda jokes all the time about how we told her that “things would slow down once the summer was over”… Rightttt. I guess we were wrong. I went on my backpacking trip and returned and then off to the mitten for a hot second to celebrate my dad and Jenn’s wedding. 

During the time back in Michigan, I spent a couple days in Marquette where I stayed in my old apartment with Elise (my prior roommate), went back to the Y I had worked at before moving out here and of course spent time with family. Each place I went to, people were happy to see me and asked if I was moving back. Numerous times people told me I could move back and it’d be as though I never left… Move back into my old apartment, take back my old job, go to the beach with the dogs, hangout with my siblings when I wanted to in person, and see my family more often. I hadn't been back home since I moved out here in January and I think it was wonderful going back, but just pushed me into this weird funk even more.

Even though it was only for a day, it was nice to be with my mom.

After I returned I started the switch to Community Program Director for the school year. I think what had me down was the fact that I was doing office work and wasn't running any of my own programming. Tuesdays and Wednesdays Amanda and I go out to two different Tribal (Grant funded) schools on the Reservation. At one school, we spend about 45 minutes with two grades at a time in the gym and play camp games that focus on teamwork and leadership. We do this with grades 3^rd-8^th, but have also been spending some time with the 2^nd and 9^th-10 graders. At the other school, we have been spending time with the older students in their math classes. All schools on the reservation have a difficult time filling teaching positions, but out of the schools on the reservation, I feel our second school is having an extremely difficult time keeping/filling positions.

Chacos, Nalgene bottles... you  must be a Camp Director!

Currently, they do not have a 5^th grade teacher, science teacher, math teacher, PE teacher and welding teacher. The counselor is teaching math. While we are in the classroom for math, we have had 7^th, 8^th, 11^th and 12^th graders. All grades work on the same handouts which focus on division, multiplication, and fractions. It’s really difficult to see the school struggle with filling these positions. I feel they struggle the most because they are in the most remote area on the reservation. We will continue to help some of the kids with math, but I would like to focus on getting these kids into the gym and run programming that we do at the other school with these kids as well. I think that since going out to the communities and running programs again is helping me get out of this weird funk. Also, the first day we went out to one of the schools, I had numerous kids run up to me and they were all of my camp kids from that area. It’s amazing how much a smile on someone else’s face that is directed towards you, can change your own mood. As selfish as it sounds, knowing that I was a part in making these kids happy and seeing that months later, makes me feel amazing. Talk about a quick reward!

We had a Board of Trustees meeting down in Rapid City the beginning of October and it was a great time to speak about the different ups and downs of my first summer at camp and also about where the Y is heading and all of the mountains (figuratively) we have to climb. It’s always nice to be around others who believe in something as much as you do. Plus we got to dress nice and take group pictures of our dream team. J

Dream Team

The Y threw a pretty amazing Halloween party where I spent a full day baking and then became The Tooth Fairy. The party was great and it was nice to see a lot of families show up with their kids. I wasn’t sure what to expect as far as the parents showing up because we don’t see the parents for the most part. The next day, we had a 5k walk/run and a rummage sale where I helped kneed out the fry bread dough. I also ran.

Tooth Fairy turned Bumble Bee.

Since the beginning of October I have been thinking about my time out here and wondering when my time to leave will come. There have been some things come up that makes it a bit more difficult to work camp in the summer. After this summer I will have been living out here for a year and 8 months. I love my job and I love the kids and because of those two last things, it makes it difficult to leave. I’m not sure where I’ll go next either and trying to prepare for a move without the knowledge of what I’ll do or where I’ll go is scary. So, for now, I’m going to push that to the back and focus on these other tough issues. Amanda and I went down to Rapid to celebrate her birthday one weekend, but spend most of the day and night in the hotel because she was sick. During the ride to and from we talked a lot about different things we have experienced out here and how it affects us. Anyways, I posted this link on my facebook http://www.scarymommy.com/the-child-i-didnt-adopt/. The story is pretty much about a social worker who works with a child for many years and is in charge of placing him in foster homes throughout pretty much his whole childhood and about how friends always joked that she should just adopt him. Then at age 18, he was shot at a party of something stupid. The lady that wrote the piece goes on to say “they break you know. These kids we leave behind. Eventually the break”. When I read this piece, I found myself sobbing. It’s one of the downfalls of working with youth who live below the poverty lines or in hard situations. There are numerous kids that I have worked with in numerous communities that I have had that thought run through my mind. “If there was ever a time so and so needed a home, I would take them in”. 

Recently, a couple of our kids have been taken from their home because there was abuse happening. Like I had stated earlier in the spring, it’s so difficult working with these kids, seeing them every day, watching them grow physically, mentally and emotionally and watching them go home and be out of our care. When something happens to them, we don’t know where they go or how they are doing and it kills me. I live to help these kids grow here at the Y and for some of them, they spend more time here than they do at their own house. Then, they are gone and you know what, they do break. Sometimes the kids that we try so hard to take care of and show them that they can accomplish anything they want, show them what respect means, play with them, make them smile and more importantly let them know they are loved, sometimes they break and there is nothing I can do about it. I think that is the hardest part of my job. It doesn't matter where I’m at, but knowing that as much as I care about the kids I work with, I can’t protect them all.

Going off of that big blurb of emotional thoughts, I told one of the kids I loved them the other day. Not in a weird creepy way, but just in passing. He was dancing in my office and was being hilarious and I said “Oh I love you. You’re so great”. He kind of looked at me funny and then I started to wonder how many of these kids get told they’re loved? Should I be telling these kids they are loved or am I ultimately hurting them more by doing that when I know I won’t be here forever and then they will have to deal with that? I think it’s important for all kids to hear they are loved, but is that something that I should be saying?

Happy 2nd birthday to this crazy Atlas Dog!

With all of these emotional things taking place in my mind, I figured it’d be good to get back to my gym routine now that I’m not climbing mountains or road tripping anywhere and I think that the mixture of working in the schools and working out on a regular basis is helping me find my confidence again. I don’t know where it went or why it left, but it’s back and I am feeling alright. I've never gone without my confidence being pretty high so I think that is what was confusing. Life is good even with all these tough things that I am around because with the tough things, come the great things such as dance parties in my small office, playing tag for three hours, learning long division all over again from a 7^th grader, seeing the smiles on the teen girls faces when they talk to me, or something simple such as Atlas chasing his tail for five minutes straight. 

Mašté means the sun is shining in Lakota and even through the darkness, the sun is shinning out here on the prairie. 

Day is done, Gone the sun

The summer is over, my staff have departed and I am finally back home (South Dakota home).

It's been a long month.
I started off heading to Minneapolis where I attended a course for the Y that was amazing and even though there were things that happened in my personal life during this time, I had a great time with my Grey Duck family and the rest of the Y family I got to meet there.

Then, it was off to California.

Once I arrived, I tried giving this homeless guy half of my brownie that I paid way too much money for and could only eat half. He was laying on the ground by the garbage and he turned it down. Ok. I threw it away. Then Micah arrived to pick me up! woot woot! I hadn't seen Micah in almost a year when we half jokingly talked about this crazy trip. Anyways, his friend Mike and Mike's girlfriend Josie picked us up and off we went. They were living in Mill Valley which is a pretty well off suburb of San Fran. We got the last of what we needed within the next day and made sure we had everything prepared.

(As you can see, it was mainly Micah checking things. I just wrote things down)

Below are the next so many days and most of the entries are taken directly out of my journal I kept and wrote in each night along with some additional info that I have added in from memory. Also, my battery on my phone died and between that and the fact that my feet hurt so much, I wasn't able to take too many photos. I will post some of the ones Micah took and if I do, they will be captioned that they are his. 

Day 1. (Sunday)

Drove from Mike's- Mill Valley to Emeryville to catch train to Fresno. Got to Fresno, met Lisa (Shuttle for Vermillion Valley Resort) Great Ride up, stopped in Prather to get permit and iodine and food. (Cheese and sausage)- Micah forgot at Mikes. Drove up to Florence Lake. Road was insane! Arrived just in time for ferry across lake to other side. (when we were getting on the boat, there was a group getting off and there was a Forest Service Ranger. Micah recognized him and he recognized Micah. Def. Bill who majored in Outdoor Rec. maybe a semester before us from NMU. Small World)

We both felt super rushed all day, but we got on the boat and off we went. The boat driver was this hippie guy who you knew just blazed all day and drove a boat for the summer. He asked us if we had ever been backpacking and we said yes and then told him what we did for a living and what we majored in and he said "yeah, you guys look like you know what you're doing". Thanks.

We had to arrive to Mammoth Lakes a day early because Micah made the food drop off there and they aren't open on the weekends because it's the post office. After we got off the boat and he departed back across the lake, I immediately felt way over my head. I wanted to turn around. I was scared. I wasn't exactly sure why, but with the craziness of the day and knowing we were going to have to make a whole day up, I was second guessing myself. It was stupid. I felt like I was going to cry and have to give up. I got my poles out and fixed my pack and that helped. The elevation difference along with the weight of my pack and climbing the 500 or so feet that we did that first night was horrible.

Day 2. (Monday) Official start day on the John Muir Trail

photo Micah took

Last night after helping hang the bear bag, I stepped over a log weird and tweaked my back bad. I couldn't stand up all the way without it taking my breath away it hurt so much. Didn't really sleep well. Then had to hike with pack and it was all climbing. God to Senger Creek- Told Micah I couldn't do the whole thing because my back and that I was going to be done in Mammoth Lakes. I should have known. Back still hurts like hell. Don't want to tweak it again to point of no return. This sucks. Slept while sitting up for ten minutes at Senger Creek. Then hiked to Sallie Keyes Lakes. Beautiful. So tired. Went in water- cold but nice. Sitting by lake writing. Told Micah he could finish the half of the JMT without me if he wanted. I'd meet him in Yosemite. Exhausted just thinking about tomorrow. I let myself down...But once we got to Sallie Keyes we had the afternoon and the evening to hang out and I was really able to take a minute and realize what it was that I was doing. My back still hurt, but it didn't hurt as bad. The beauty that surrounded us was enough to help take away some of the pain as well. We walked around the peninsula that we were staying on and took some great photos. There were so many trout in the lake I wish I had a rod. Every ten seconds somewhere on the lake you could see one jump out of the water after a fly.

Sallie Keyes

Sallie Keyes

Day 3. (Tuesday)
My best friend's dad had passed away prior to my trip. I found out while I was in Minneapolis for the Y course. I looked into flights home instead of going on this trip, but the amount it would cost to transfer flights was outrageous. After speaking with my friend, I continued with the JMT Journey. I've known my best friend since we were three. We were in pre-school together and she's an amazing person. Not only is she strong and a great friend, but she has an amazing family. I call her mom my mom #2 along with her dad. They helped me out financially so I wouldn't have to stay in college for another whole year and are genuinely nice people. I had been planning this trip for over two years and it was Sally who got me the 20 maps needed for the trip and honestly, one of my only friends who really pushed me to actually do it. I remember going to her house and her dad would always ask me about where ever it was I was living and when I was going to go on this trip. I spoke with my own father and my mother and they both said that I need to do what Sal and Mr. H would have wanted and that was to be out in the woods. She had asked me to think of him while I was out there and ultimately, it felt like the whole trip was based around that. It was based around those that I loved, why I live where I live and do what I do and how it made a difference and all of life's awesome questions no one really knows the answers to...

(Micah's photo of Sallie Keyes after starting our ascent up to Selden Pass)

All morning as we were talking about the days ahead, I felt like Sally was on this trip with me. As though when we said "we" it was Micah, Sal and I. I've been thinking of her a lot. Especially today. I started off with yesterday by the Beatles stuck in my head and then as we started the 400ft. ascent up to Selden Pass, I started counting my steps as 1,2,3,4 and just kept repeating it which then turned into Fire in the Sky by John Butler Trio. Which was then stuck in my head. Then we saw Bear Creek for the 1st time. it's amazing- pools of clear turquoise water rushing down the mountain. Then Fire in the Sky turned to Get No Better by John Hartford (I only knew the song from Greensky Bluegrass). Originally we were going to hike 7.2 miles to Hilgard Junction, but we added two more on so we did 9.2 today. After yesterday, I hated backpacking. After calculating things out, we found we did 2500 feet ascent yesterday. HOLY SHIT! Sallie Keyes was amazing and just what we needed. Walking up and getting the bear bag down, someone set up their campsite about 15ft away from our bag. It made me think about things backpackers know and don't know about Leave No Trace and how it amazes me at the things I know. After we got to the top of the pass, we looked down onto Marie Lakes. It was a bunch of turquioise lakes connected. We stopped for a snack.

As we were hiking, I started thinking about hwo this is the longest I've gone without contact with people and then I started thinking about all the horrible things that could happen or that could go wrong and how I'd have messages waiting for me in 5 days. The two main things that I narrowed my long list down to that could actually happen were that something happened to my dogs or my Grandma Pat. My birthday was the last day of camp and then with the hustle bustle to get everything put away and to close camp down and start this trek, I never called to thank her for my birthday card. If something happened to her while I was out here, I would be really upset. If I wasn't able to get home for the funeral I would hate myself for coming out here. We are using chlorine tablets for our water to save on weight of a filter. I hope they are working because it would also suck if they didn't. On a high note, my back feels a lot better. A part of me wants to finish what I set out to do and after a day like today, if all days were like this, I'd be down. But I know they all aren't like this. Even with the tape on my big toe (Left) and pinky toe and blister (Right), it was a good day. We also dropped about 2000 ft elevation so that was fun. Even with my feet hurting my pack felt alright and I guess we'll just have to wait and see when we get to Mammoth. I don't want to hate backpacking but I think I've learned I like short trips.

Day 4. (Wednesday)
900 up 2000 down- 59 switchbacks (HOLY WAH!) all before lunch. Blisters on feet total six. Woo!
After lunch- 500 up and 500 more up. Should have drank more water. Wanted to stop at Mono but then it would have been an extra 500 on top of 1700 climb tomorrow. My feet hurt bad and I kind of cried when we got to our campsite today because it was long. But I am so proud I pushed through to Mott Lake Junction today. We'll see how it goes tomorrow though with my feet. Don't stop now by queen is the song of the day. I'm nervous about tomorrow but I have a feeling it will be fine. Long, but Fine.

Day 5. (Thursday)

Sap on butt. Stupid. Climbed about 1800ft to start the morning off. A device that says elevation gain or mileage would have been sweet to take on this trip. eft Mott Lake Junction at 7am and made it to the top of Silver Pass at about 10:30am. Silver Pass is like this guy that I know... Let's just call him Tim (not real name of the guy, we'll leave it fake to protect him). So Silver Pass is a lot like Tim. Super nice, pretty... and knows he is. First off the stupid pass didn't even have a freakin sign. And you first reach Silver Pass Lake, which makes you think you've reached it. Nope. J.K. You still have to climb up passed that. Phew! Made it after that! Nope. J.K. again! That's the actual pass, but it's too steep so climb another 300ft up these switchbacks. There now you've made it. So after all that hard work and foreplay, no sign. But look how pretty it is!

Micah's Photo

Tim- you have to love him. He's great. Anyways, but that point, my feet had had enough. Stopped for a snack- took boots off. Hiked down 1.5 miles to Squaw Lake. Ate lunch. Boots off. We passed by these two girls who were very chatty and I could tell Micah wanted to talk to them because they asked if we were heading to the hot springs. They then asked to show us where they were on a map and that's when I gave Micah the maps and took off to sit down somewhere away from the chatty Kathys. Apparently the springs were about 13 miles out of the way. Yeah, no thanks. I then met a guy from Brighton. He was pretty chatty as well and all I wanted to do was take my boots off and never put them on again, but I talked with him for a minute or two. Hiked 2.8 miles to Cascade Creek Junction.

Every day even with my hurt feet, it amazes me what my body can do. Physically, emotionally, all of it. The mountains out here are amazing. My phone is dead since Sallie Keyes and even with a camera, no camera would do this justice. It amazes me how in tune one can be with their world when that is all they have. I'm sitting on a rock soaking my blistered feet in a rushing glacier/mountain fed creek. I told Micah that if I were to ever be reincarnated I want to come back as a trout who lives up here. They have the best life. John Trudell spoke about how people who want to be natives already are. They're trying to be or find what their ancestors were. At some point all people were nomads. But when you're such a mix how do you identify? 

Out of the ten or so blisters I got, this is Mount Whitney. Pretty fitting for this trip I thought

Day 6.

Things seen on trail today: three people hiking with music playing. One of them- female wearing low cut form fitting cotton shirt exposing her blue "sexy" bra. Cool. Two minutes down the trail, man hiking with no shirt on- good luck on that tan sir... two old men in morning who hiked whole trail three weeks prior. Talked to them about Red's Meadow. Three older men at Duck Creek Crossing (one sitting right on the cross over the creek- annoying) but one was a funny Scottish man. Told us burgers/Cafe at Red's closed at 2pm. Was suppose to arrive at Red's tomorrow, but it's 11.5 miles and my feet have never hurt so bad. Went up to Tully hole- 300ft. then another 850ft to Virginia Lake.

Tully Hole is down at the bottom. We climbed all the way up on some great switchbacks. Looking down on to this was amazing. 

Then 450 more to Purple Lake- had lunch. Then 450ft more up and around mountain and down 400ft. to Duck Lake Crossing. Mileage- 7.2. Once we got here as I took my boots off I started getting teary eyed. I've tried so hard not to cry, but the pain mixed with the joy of stopping for the day was too much.  

Day 7.

Duck Creek Junction to Red's. 

11.2 miles on shitty feet. 

Fuck hiking boots. I should have just worm my trail runners. I've been thinking a lot about this trip and what it means in my life right now and have decided that ultimately you cannot take anything for granted. Not that someone will still be there when you need them, not your health, nothing. Be thankful for what you have not shameful for what you don't. 47.8 miles and I have no idea elevation gained and lost yet. But honestly 2 years ago, I had this idea to set out on this journey for my 25th birthday. Hit the trail on August 9th and really do some "Soul Searching". Well, here I am 26 and it's September. I talked to my best guy friend's mom today on the phone. She said I was an amazing friend and that I shouldn't beat myself up about not being home for Sally. She made me cry then but also by telling me that she is so proud of me and that I deserve to stand on top of the mountains because I've worked so hard at life and that my parents are proud of me as well. Hearing that at that moment was perfect. Besides Sally's parents, this was my other "mom" and I am fortunate enough to have some many caring people in my life- close to me and far from me.

Anyways, back to JMT news... Hiked through some sweet shit today. Saw bear and mountain lion/bobcat scat and tracks and also hiked though the Rainbow Fire area which happened in the 90's. It was a very cold feeling walking through that fire area.

Mainly lonnnnng, slowwwww traverse down long switchbacks. Then! Arrived at Red's Meadow Resort! Small cute place although people who work there weren't as friendly as I expected them to be. Had a $10 cheeseburger that came with potato salad. Both were the BEST things I had ever experienced food wise. Wanted the $7.95 pie a la carte, but had no room for it in my stomach. It was HUGE though! Then to figure out how to get from Mammoth to Yosemite. Oh yeah, and from Red's to Mammoth because the shuttle stopped running after Labor Day. STRESSFUL! Met a husband/wife/dog family who had a son our age out here working. Anyways, they drove us down to Mammoth (Thank you trail angels!).

 Amanda George (Outdoor Red. major friend) is going to pick me up Tuesday to Yosemite till Sunday then back to San Fran. for plane. Amanda is working at Yosemite as a Ranger. Praise God! 

Sept. 11th, 2014

Today I've been wandering/ hiking in the Yosemite Valley solo. It's been great for people watching. After school starts back up, all the families pretty much leave the park and internationals and retired couples come and visit. There are mainly foreigners out. I've seen SO many couples that it makes me jealous. Will I ever get to walk hand in hand through here with someone? It makes me sick to think about. Maybe I'm just dehydrated and hungry.

The Meadow Fire made things a bit smokey

Part of the JMT leading into Happy Isles

Things learned from this 9 day backpacking trip...
1. Take time to poop.
2. Experience your surroundings.
3. Wear boots that f'ing FIT!
4. Write down things you see, feel- physically/emotionally.
5. Smell the air.
6. Stay clean.

Where we should have ended up if it weren't for blistered feet and forest fires!

It's crazy at how little you truly need to survive. 

(Micah's photo)

One day we went to the Merced Grove of big sequoia trees. Apparently this is a cabin that was made in the 1930's as a get away for the Park Superintendent. I will own a cabin like this one day in the U.P. It will be great.

Summertime

It's August 2nd and we have one week of camp left. It's weird how little things have been making me get teary eyed. Especially this past week. During week 5, I told my staff that I was going to loosen the reigns because I knew they could handle more responsibility. I was sitting in a guard chair down by our waterfront on Thursday afternoon watching campers and staff leave the water and as I looked out there, not only did I see smiles on all faces and sunshine shining on the green hills next to the blue water, but I felt at peace. It's bittersweet that the summer is ending because I feel like my staff and I and camp for that matter are just beginning to become normal. It felt amazing sitting there and watching everything going on around me. I could have sat there for hours. It's hard to believe that our last week is two days away.

This summer has been crazy. Amazing and crazy. I have had so many little moments that take me by surprise that I cannot remember them all. I was walking across camp and kind of had a flashback to me in my sophomore year of college, right after I had changed my major to Outdoor Rec. I have always worked hard for things that I have wanted and to get to where I am at now, I have worked for it. As I walked across my little camp, I felt a wave of emotion flood my thoughts. Starting that major wanting to be a Camp Director and then the route my life took to get me out in the middle of South Dakota... Woah. It's crazy.

So, as you all know, we have some rattlesnakes that live out around camp. I've killed two so far. woot woot. To help with the snakes, I figured we could get a couple cats out at camp to kill the mice (Rattlesnake food). I spoke with one of our board members and she said she had some cats she could give us. I specifically told her to give us some that she either wanted back at the end of camp or ones that she didn't mind me leaving them out there to fend for themselves because I wasn't adding any cats to my animal collection. Two Sunkas were enough! Then, we get the cat... Looks like I have a cat now... Meet Ninja our camp cat.

It wouldn't be a blog if I didn't speak about my kiddos. Being able to see these kids out at camp has been life changing. Working with kids from the further out communities has made me excited for the school year and to be able to go out to their communities and see them again. Watching as a younger girl who is scared of thunderstorms, stick it out in her own cabin instead of crying for her sister in another cabin is a great thing to experience. Watching as a camper starts the summer off in the shallowest part of the river (red zone) wearing a life jacket because he was scared and by the end of week 4, he's swimming in the deepest zone (green) is awesome. Not only can camp help show kids they can accomplish anything, but they are able to have fun and not worry about things they would if they were home. Watching campers learn songs and start singing them as they get dropped off to home... Not only have my campers changed, but my staff has changed as well. Colleen said it best to me last night- I am in a position where I am able to not only help myself understand and experience new things within this culture, but I am able to help show others the great things that we are surrounded by out here. Sure, there are bad things that happen and it's hard seeing some of those things, but the smiles on the kids faces when they see me back in Dupree after being gone for a week, or having a camper extremely pissed off at you because you had to discipline them and then receiving a huge at the end of the week and watching them return to camp the next week makes the bad things fall to the back and the smiles shine through. 

Now that the summer is almost over, many of you might be wondering "What now?" well funny you should think that. We had a visit from a lady who works for the American Camp Association (ACA) this past week. One of my goals before I leave here (I don't know when that will be), is to get camp accredited. By getting camp ACA accredited not only will we be holding ourselves to high safety standards, but it will also hopefully help when people/Y's/camps look to donating money to us. Becoming ACA accredited is a huge process, but happily I can say that we should be accredited by next summer (fingers crossed). Working on being accredited will take up time as well as going out into the communities to do afterschool programming as well as leadership programming for our LITs. I really wish we had a better program set up for this past summer, but there was no time. All of those things and more will keep me busy. 

August 26th-28th, I will be attending a conference in Minneapolis for YMCA Leadership training. On the 29th, I will be flying out of there to San Fran to start the first part of my John Muir Trail hike. Two years in the making and it's almost here. I'm super nervous because I haven't been training since camp started. Before that though, I was working out at the gym and also running 4 miles a day. gulp. I have two weeks before the trip after camp is done so we'll see what happens. I know I'll be fine once I'm out there, it's just the anticipation and the wanting to not disappoint myself that I'm worried about. 

I'm going to end this blog with a couple pictures of my Sunkas because I haven't spent much time talking about them. Atlas and Scout have become great camp dogs. Atlas has enough energy to hang with the middle age boys who love playing with him and Scout is kind enough to let the young girls pet him. They also know exactly what mood to be in when there are campers around. If there are campers who have cuts on the feet from the river, Scout is right there to let them pet him while they get them cleaned out. If there is a camper who is upset and wants to be alone, Atlas is sitting next to them on the deck. They may be a little crazy at times, but they are my sunkas and the kids love them and so do I. It's amazing to see how much Scout has grown since I got him in April. He's only about 8months old and he's HUGE! I think people tend to forget that he's still a puppy because of his size. Anyways, here are some pictures for you all.